My Newest Autographed Books—Because You People Keep Buying Them

Look, I keep writing these books, and for some reason, you degenerates keep buying them. So here we are again—another batch of fresh, autographed nonsense for you to throw on your shelf, gift to an unsuspecting relative, or use as kindling when society finally collapses.

Every book here is signed by me, because apparently that makes them collectible instead of just deeply inappropriate. I don’t know why you want my signature, but I’ll keep scribbling my name on these pages as long as you keep forking over cash. Get them while they last, because once they’re gone, I’ll be too busy making more ridiculous content to care about your FOMO.