I'm Offended (Signed Copy)

I'm Offended... A Catalogue Of Everything Wrong With A World That Was Not Consulted Before Existing

The sun is offensive. It spoils the fun. The moon is offensive. It's too high. The narrator of this book is offended by a comprehensive and growing list of things, each of which has been identified as a personal affront that the universe should address immediately and has thus far refused to address at all. This book documents the full scope of the offense, item by item, with the relentless accumulating logic of a worldview that has found grievance and committed to it as a lifestyle. Nothing is innocent. Everything requires commentary. The book is the commentary.

This illustrated adult parody book is a precise satirical portrait of a certain mode of engagement with the world... the one that finds the problem in everything and presents the finding as a kind of public service. It is funny because it is recognizable. It is recognizable because the stance it satirizes has never been more visible. You know someone who is offended by the sun. You might, on certain days, be offended by the sun. This book sees you. It is also slightly offended by you. That is appropriate.

This Book IS For:

• Anyone who has encountered the fully offended worldview up close and needed something to process it with
• Fans of satire that names a cultural pattern and documents it with affectionate but unsparing accuracy
• People who are occasionally guilty of the stance being satirized and have enough self-awareness to laugh at themselves
• Gift-givers who want to give something to the person in their life who is, genuinely, offended by a lot of things

This Book Is NOT For:

• People who will read this satire of being offended and find it offensive, which would be the most efficient example of the book's subject matter
• Anyone who believes their own particular collection of grievances is distinct from what's being satirized here and deserves separate treatment
• Readers who need comedy to come with a disclaimer that the satirical target was consulted before being targeted
• The easily offended, obviously, who should not buy this but statistically probably will

Appropriate For:

• Gifts for the person in your life who sends the most complaint-adjacent messages in any given week
• White elephant exchanges where you want to give something that describes at least one person in the room
• Office parties where someone has already complained about the music, the food, or the location of the party they chose to attend
• Any occasion where a small mirror in book form would be the most appropriate gift and this is a small mirror in book form

Why Buy This

The world has produced no shortage of things to be offended by. The book has catalogued some of them. More are being generated daily. At current rates, a sequel is probably warranted. For the price of roughly one complaint lodged with a customer service department, you can purchase a document of all complaints, which is more efficient than filing them individually and produces the same outcome, which is: nothing changes, but you feel better for a moment.

I'm offended is not just a book. It is a state of being. It is a lifestyle choice. It is a way of moving through a world that refuses to be corrected and yet responds to every attempt with such thoroughness that the attempt must feel justified. Buy it for someone who needs to see the pattern from outside. Buy it for yourself if you are, occasionally, that someone. The sun is still offensive. The book can't help that. But it documents it, which is almost as satisfying.