Cucumber Curtis: Can't Come To Dinner (Signed Copy)

Cucumber Curtis Can't Come To Dinner... A Grocery Store Encounter With Lasting Social Consequences

It begins at the grocery store. There are apples. There are bananas. There is beer. And somewhere in the produce section, there is Cucumber Curtis, who for reasons this book will explain at length and with complete illustrated sincerity, cannot come to dinner. He just cannot. The family has discussed it. The decision has been made. Curtis's presence at the dinner table has been reviewed and the conclusion was unanimous. Cucumber Curtis stays in the kitchen. At most.

This adult parody book is about a cucumber who cannot be invited to dinner, and that premise is followed with the earnest thoroughness of a book about a cucumber who cannot be invited to dinner that knows exactly what it's actually about. Every explanation for why Curtis can't come is technically valid. Every illustration shows a cucumber being excluded from social situations for reasons that are entirely produce-related. The reader is doing all the other work, and the book is comfortable with that arrangement.

This Book IS For:

• Adults who appreciate a vegetable-based euphemism sustained across an entire illustrated book with total commitment
• Anyone who has been in a situation that required keeping a straight face for longer than was comfortable
• Fans of humor that says one thing while meaning another and never once admits to the second thing
• Gift-givers who enjoy giving something that looks perfectly innocent from a distance and is not innocent from any other distance

This Book Is NOT For:

• Cucumbers, who have done nothing to deserve this and are not available to consent to the portrayal
• Anyone who needs their produce characters to have simple, honest motivations that don't imply anything further
• Readers who have already reached their weekly quota of vegetable innuendo and need a break
• People who will read this and say "I don't get it" and then describe it to three other people who will immediately get it

Appropriate For:

• Bachelorette parties... Curtis has been waiting for this invitation his entire career
• White elephant exchanges where you want the gift to be simultaneously harmless-looking and not harmless
• Dinner parties, specifically, where the title becomes a physical comedy opportunity before anyone opens it
• Gag gifts for anyone who works in food, hospitality, or anywhere that professional language occasionally creates situations

Why Buy This

Most produce does not generate this much conversation. Most produce is purchased, consumed, and never thought about again. Curtis is different. Curtis gets remembered. Curtis gets brought up at the next gathering as "remember that book about the cucumber?" and then everyone has to explain it to the one person who wasn't there, which creates a moment more valuable than most planned entertainment.

For roughly the price of an actual cucumber from a grocery store... a considerably less interesting cucumber who will never generate this much discussion... you get a book that works at every dinner party, every white elephant event, and any situation where you need a gift that does more than exist. Curtis can't come to dinner. But the book can. And the book will outlast every vegetable in your refrigerator by several years.