Funny Christmas Books for Adults

Every year I tell myself I'm going to write something wholesome for the holidays. A nice story about a reindeer, maybe a snowman with a heart of gold. Every year I fail immediately and end up here instead, making books that look like they belong under the tree but absolutely do not belong anywhere near your children.

These are Christmas books built to look innocent on a shelf, right up until someone actually opens one at dinner. That's kind of the whole business model. I format them like the picture books you grew up with, I write them like the picture books you grew up with, and then somewhere around page six I ruin everything on purpose. It's less "holiday cheer" and more "holiday chaos with rhyming couplets."

I make these because white elephant exchanges are boring, because Secret Santa needs an edge, and because giving your brother in law a book that looks sweet from across the room is one of the few joys I have left as a one man publishing operation working out of a basement in Caledon. Give one to your boss. Give one to your dad. Give one to whoever ruined Christmas last year, they've earned it.

If you're looking for dark holiday humor, X rated Christmas parody, or a stocking stuffer that actively works against the spirit of the season, you're in the right place. I built this whole shelf so you don't have to explain yourself. I'll do that for you, poorly, in the author bio.

Not for kids. Extremely for that one relative.